


Nothing Left But Picture Frames

by ahminjoon



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Ashton-centric, Character Death, Crying, M/M, Mashlum, OT3, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 11:26:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6903967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahminjoon/pseuds/ahminjoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton can't imagine anything better than to wake up every day beside his boys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Left But Picture Frames

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Castaway by 5SOS.

**Nothing Left But Picture Frames**

 

He looks down. There's nothing there besides darkness. At this time at night, there isn't one soul in the streets. His chest hurts, but that isn't nothing new. Every single part of him is hurting for the past two days. And he needs to make it stop.

 

The wind is blowing strongly against his face but Ashton doesn't feel cold. He does feel the warm path where his tears are going down. But he doesn't have the strength to clean his face.

 

Ashton isn't weak. He's the opposite actually. He's the mature, responsible and strong member of the band. He's the one that the others seek when needing advice and he's the one they can always count with.

 

He's strong.

 

But... But there's a point where not even all the strength in the world is enough. Ashton is at that point. He wants to give up. He wants the pain to end and he wants his mind and his heart to rest.

 

He wants to dive into the darkness.

 

Ashton's at the edge of the top of his building. The place here Ashton, Calum and Michael had moved in just a couple of months ago. The last time he was here it was for some stargazing with his boys. It had been a happy night. Michael calling Calum a sap for bringing them up here but then kissing him because Michael is a romantic too even if he never admits it. They lay on a blanket and stay here for hours just kissing each other and talking. Remembering this makes Ashton feel like someone is choking him, he feels a horrible pressure on his chest and throat. He wants to scream. And so he does.

 

He screams. He looks up to the dark sky and screams again and again until his throat feels like is bleeding and he doesn't have a voice anymore. The tears are thick going down his face and he's making noises that he didn't think he could ever do. It hurts so much. So much. He wants them back. He needs them back. His boys.

 

Why would this happen to him? Was it his fault? If... If...

 

Questions he will never have answers for are jumping in his head, making everything worse.

 

" **Make it stop. Make it stop**." He repeats to himself. He looks down again. If he... Just do it then he can be with his boys again.

 

Ashton thinks about his family. His mom, his brother, and his sister. He thinks about how his mother is downstairs sleeping in his guest room. He wants to be more strong for them and not give up but he can't. He also thinks about Calum's and Michael's family. He should be strong for all of them.

 

He just... Can't. He can't be strong; he can't be here without them.

 

***

 

Ashton doesn't remember feeling his heart beat this fast before. Not even when he and the boys played their first arena show, he remembers how nervous he has on that day but now, the feeling is ten times worse. And Ashton just hopes he doesn't have a heart attack and ruin everything he has planned - for weeks - for tonight.

 

He's going to propose tonight. He wants to marry the two guys he fell in love with three years ago and he wants to spend every minute of the rest of his life with them.

 

Ashton can't imagine anything better than to wake up every day beside his boys. With Calum stealing bad breath kisses and being overly affectionate and Michael grunting and cursing at them for waking him up but soon joining them for kisses and cuddles and if they're lucky and have the time he joins them for some morning romantic and hot sex.

 

This is the life Ashton wants and hopefully is the life that Michael and Calum want too.

 

**

 

"Again, where are we going?" Michael questions. Ashton was been driving for twenty minutes now and refuses to tell his boyfriends, Michael in the front seat and Calum in the back, here they're going.

 

"I already told you. It's a fucking surprise." Ashton answers annoyed. Michael asked that five times in the last five minutes. And Ashton nervousness about what he has planned for today isn't helping him stay calm.

 

"Just wait, Mikey. I bet it will be worth it." Calum sensing Ashton tenseness squeezes Ashton's shoulders from behind him. Ashton relaxes with only that touch.

 

"I'm hungry." Grunts Michael. Sometimes Michael is worse than a child. Ashton in that moment asks himself if he really wants to marry this idiot. "But fine, I will shut up. Only because I love you guys and I hope that this night will end with orgasms." He wiggles his eyebrows and kisses Ashton's cheek. And Ashton decides that he does want to marry that idiot. So fucking bad.

 

The three rings in his pocket are getting heavier by the minute, Ashton can't wait to get on his knees for his boys. A bit cliché, yes, but Ashton is a romantic sap and this will be just perfect.

 

A moment later Ashton hears Calum laughing hysterical in the back from something Michael had just said but Ashton didn't catch what it was so he looks questioning to Michael and then it happens.

 

There's a surprisingly loud honk and Ashton feels his body goes forward when he hit the break the faster he can, it hurts like hell where his seat belt stops his body from going too far. Then he hears Michael scream and Calum shouting his name. The car shakes abruptly making him hit his head on the window beside him and everything goes black.

 

***

 

There are people talking and walking around him and what sounds like sirens. He tries to move but everything hurts. He can't breathe. Or open his eyes. Calum. Michael. Where are his boys? Ashton's heart is beating extremely fast. He wants to open his eyes and look for them. But his eyes don't obey him. And everything fades.

 

***

 

The first thing Ashton notice when he wakes up is that his head hurts so fucking much that he feels like he will throw up at any second. The second thing is the silence. Ashton opens his eyes and it burns. He blinks a couple of times. All he sees is white.

 

"Ash?" The voice breaks the silence. It's almost a whisper and it doesn't sound at all like Luke's voice.

 

It all comes back to him. Michael. Calum. Where are they? Are they okay?

 

Ashton tries to ask but his voice doesn't come out.

 

Luke gets closer enough to him so that Ashton can look at him. Luke has dark marks under his eyes and looks like he hasn't slept for days.

 

Luke reaches a small table on Ashton's side and gets a cup of water, he helps Ashton lifts his head to drink it.

 

"Where are they? Are they okay?" Ashton asks after he finishes drinking. His voice is rough and low.

 

Luke stays quiet for a moment, he doesn't look at Ashton.

 

"Luke?" The desperation in his voice makes Luke look at him. And Ashton knows with that look alone that he won't see Michael and Calum again.

 

"They... I'm sorry. I'm s-so sorry, Ash. They didn’t... They are gone." Luke is crying. Ashton never saw him cry like that.

 

Ashton throws up.

 

***

 

The first thing that comes to his mind is their smile. They laughing. They happy with each other and with him too. Ashton can't remember one single day where he didn't see the two of them laughing at something. And it was like they were the fucking sun every time. And Ashton would feel the butterflies in his stomach and the urge to kiss them again and again. Their laugh is... was one of Ashton's favorite things about them.

 

Ashton realizes then that he will never see or hear their laugh again.

 

He can't breathe.

 

***

 

"No! No no no. Luke? Please." Ashton begs for something. Begs for Luke to say it's all a lie.

 

"I called your mom, she's on the next fly here, ok?" Is what Luke answers. He still crying but he isn't looking at Ashton's face anymore.

 

"Luke?" Ashton feels his face wet and realizes he's crying too.

 

Luke don't say anything. He just gets closer and hugs Ashton tight. And they cry. And cry.

 

Ashton just lost the two loves of his life and Luke lost two of his best friends.

 

***

 

The next day Ashton's already in his place, where it used to be their place. He didn't need to stay in the hospital since his head injury wasn't so bad.

 

Ashton's family is here. Calum's and Michael's family are here too.  Luke and his family too. After all, because of the band, they are all one big family. Well, not so big anymore.

 

Ashton's mom picked him up from the hospital and when Ashton arrived here this morning everybody was crying. His brother and sister hugged him and then everybody did the same. But Ashton wasn't crying. Everything was numb since Luke left the hospital last night.

 

So now there are people crying in his living from. There are people planning funerals, there are people talking about the press. And Ashton is just sitting on his sofa looking at a photography placed on the wall. In the picture, Ashton and Calum are grinning and kissing each of Michael's cheeks and Michael has the biggest and more beautiful smile on his face.

 

"Nothing left but picture frames." He whispers. His eyes burn but he doesn't want to cry anymore. They will never perform that song again, or any song. Ashton lost everything he loves in one accident.

 

When Ashton was leaving the hospital he got his stuff back. In the middle if it was the rings. He put them in his pocket again and it feels like it was burning a hole in his leg. It physically hurts.

 

He doesn't take his eyes from the picture while he puts his hands in his pocket and takes the rings from it. He closes is hand so strong around it that his skin tears a little. He doesn't care.

 

"Ash?" His mother voice makes him startle. He was so focused that he forgot about all the people in his house.

 

But he doesn't look at her or answer. He just tightens his grip on the rings. They never even saw it. It took one month for Ashton to find the right ring and he didn't even get the chance to show it to them.

 

"Ash. Talk to me, honey." Her voice is sad and it seems like she will start crying at any second.

 

Ashton is only twenty-two years old, how it is fair that he can't even start a life with the people he loves?

 

Ashton blinks a few times and looks at his mother. She has tears in her eyes and looks so very tired. Ashton still doesn't answer her. Maybe he lost his voice. Lost everything.

 

He looks at the rest of the living room. He sees Mali-Koa sitting next to the window, her eyes are red but she isn't crying anymore. Luke is next to her but they both are in silence.

 

He can't see Michael's parents but he thinks they're in one of the guest rooms. Calum parents are talking to their manager and Calum's mom is crying. She didn't stop since she got here. Ashton's brother and sister are sleeping in the other guest room. The house has never been so full. But Ashton never felt so alone.

 

He feels his mother's hand on his shoulders. His body shakes and he breathes for what it feels the first time in hours.

 

But Ashton can't be here right now. He gets up leaving his mother's warm hand and walks toward the door.

 

"Where are you going?" A couple of people ask but Ashton just keeps walking until he is on the elevator and realizes that he can't leave his house, there are fans and paparazzi in front of his building so he goes to the only place he can be alone. The rooftop.

 

***

 

He sits on the cold floor of the rooftop and he just looks at the sky for hours. He's suddenly empty and the only thing he feels is the crushing pain in his chest. And it grows and grows until Ashton starts to cry again.

 

It's dark when Luke finds him there. Ashton is lying on the floor now looking at the sky and thinking about the last conversation he had with his boys. He thinks about Michael saying he loves him and the sound of Calum's laugh. And Ashton doesn't even feel anymore the tears that don't stop.

 

"Ashton? Your mom sent me with food." Luke sits by his side. He has a plate with a sandwich and a cup of juice. Ashton cleans his face on his dirty shirt -he wasn’t changed his clothes yet- and looks at him.

 

"Not hungry." He says so low that he thinks Luke didn't even hear it. "How did you knew I was here?" He tries do make his voice comes louder. It hurts his throat.

 

"C-Calum wouldn't shut up about this place," Luke answers, his voice painful when speaking Calum's name.

 

Since Luke told him what had happened in the hospital nobody had said their names out loud to him. And it was the worst pain Ashton had felt so far. It makes everything more real. Ashton doesn't want real. Maybe, only maybe if he doesn’t say their names he can pretend that everything is going to be okay. They remain in silence for a moment.

 

“Did you saw them?” Ashton asks, he’s been thinking about this. Someone must have had to identify them and their family only got here this morning so it must have been Luke.

 

“What?” He takes a deep breath. “Ash, you need to eat.” Luke lowers the plate closer to him.

 

“I don’t fucking want to eat.” Ashton sits. “Did you? Saw them there?” He asks again.

 

“Yeah, I saw them.” Luke puts the plate and the cup on the floor.

 

“How bad it was?” Ashton wants to know the full damage that he did to his boys. Luke just looks at him for a few seconds.

 

“Pretty bad, Ash,” Luke says after taking a deep breath.

 

Ashton doesn’t respond. He just stays there. Luke is talking again but he isn’t listening. After a while, Luke gives up and he gets up and leave.

 

Ashton can't do this. He opens his right hand where the rings are and a little dry blood from where he cut his hand early. He cleans them with his shirt and then picks one that was supposed to be his, inside it’s engraved C&M in a nice style. Ashton had wasted days deciding the font. So many days lost.

 

He puts his ring on. It's warm after he had to hold it for so long. The sight is too much, Ashton takes the ring off and throws it away. But he keeps holding the other two, one engraved A&M and the other A&C.

 

***

 

In the morning, Ashton had enough. He gets up from the cold and hard floor where he had stayed the night.

 

Ashton put the other two rings besides his own on the ground where he had thrown his the night before and walks back to his place.

 

His body is weak, he wasn't eat anything or sleep since he came back from the hospital.

 

"Ashton!" Everyone is in the living room when Ashton opens the front door. It looks like nobody slept last night.

 

"Hey. I'm fine. Just need to sleep a little." Ashton says fast and doesn't stop to pay attention to anyone, practically running to his room. His mother tries to call him but Ashton hears Luke saying that he needs more time, and she let him go.

 

Closing the bedroom door after him, Ashton realizes that he doesn't want to be here.

 

Actually, he can't be here. He is in their room but now... Now the room is only his. He panics, his heart racing.

 

Ashton looks ate their bed. It' messy just like they had left it. But there's something on top of one of the many pillows that weren't there last time Ashton was here.

 

An envelope.

 

He runs to the bed and gets the envelope with shaking hands.

 

He knows who it is from. Michael. Ashton's name is written neatly on the outside in black ink.

 

Since they started this, their relationship, Michael has been leaving letters for him and Calum. He starts to do it because Michael is amazing with words but only written ones. When it comes talk, to say out loud what he is feeling Michael is a disaster. So the letters are (were) his way of showing his love to Ashton and Calum.

 

Ashton is crying again. He doesn't know how he still has tears inside of him. But he does. Be opens the envelope and takes the messily folded latter form inside. He opens it.

 

_Ash, you fucker! I know what you're going to do tonight, ok? I saw the rings, fucking beautiful rings, on your socks draw (classic hiding place, stupid), and yes, I was stealing your socks but you won't mind after I say "YES" today when you ask me to marry you. Oh man, Calum is going to cry, I BET. And I hope you don't have some overly romantic shit planned Ashton or I will fucking punch you in the face and if you make me cry I'm totally not going to sex you up tonight. I mean it._

_Fuck, I can't believe you really want to be with ME for the rest of your life. I mean, Cal is easy to understand why. But ME? Fuck, Ash. I'm so lucky to have you two._

_And we are going to be so happy, right? The three of us, growing old together, being a family. I can't wait. I can't fucking wait, Ash._

_I'm not going to cry tonight. And you fucking sap, you better blow me when we get home._

_I love you and Cal. So fucking much. And Calum, I bet you are crying again reading this over Ashton's shoulders so just stop that, idiot._

_Michael Clifford-Hood-Irwin (WHAT? we're not doing this, SO LAME)_

_xx_

 

"Mikey..." He knew. Ashton reads and rereads the letter for hours until he falls sleep crying so much he is sure the whole house can hear it.

 

Nobody knocks on his door, though.

 

**

 

When Ashton wakes up, the letter still in his hands, it's dark and there's nobody awake in the house.  Ashton folds the letter and puts it back on the envelope and on top of one of the pillow just the way he found it

 

Ashton sees Luke and Mali-Koa sleeping on the sofas when he passes the living room to leave the house. He stops and goes back to the hall, he goes to one of the guests room and opens the door, he watches his family for a moment. His sisters and brother sleeping pacifically. And his mother. She looks worried even sleeping.

 

Is not fair what he's going to do to them. He knows it. But he can't be here. It hurts too much. Too much. He needs to make it all stop.

 

And Ashton knows what to do to end the pain.

 

He gives one last look at them and then he goes back to the rooftop.

 

***

 

" **Make it stop. Make it stop**." He repeats to himself again and again. His throat hurts after all the screaming. He doesn't care. It will all stop hurting soon. Everything is going to stop.

 

With one last look at the rings on the ground were Ashton had left them this morning, he breathes deep, feeling his body burn.

 

 _My boys_.

 

He takes one step forward and feels his body fall...

 

The pain stops. Everything stops except his body falling.

 

Flying...

 

Then it all goes black.

 

***

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a fluff proposal fic, don't know what happened. SORRY!
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr: [mashlum](http://mashlum.tumblr.com). :)


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